The Joy of Being Wrong
- Prem Shah
- Mar 11, 2022
- 12 min read
Updated: Mar 12, 2022
"The Joy of Being Wrong: The Thrill of Not Believing Everything" was the title of one of the chapters of the book Think Again by Adam Grant. And that just one title made me buy the book. Let me share what I have learned till now after reading the chapter.
Book: Think Again
Author: Adam Grant
Note: All the italic texts are directly taken from the book (a little modified sometimes, like at some places 'we' is converted into 'I'). And all the normal texts are my thoughts and learning of the same.
When I first encountered 'the joy of being wrong', it seemed a very interesting statement. Because most of my life, I have prioritized being right over everything else.
I used to (and still most of the time) run towards knowing the answers so that I can be right when the situation comes.
I don't like to be wrong.
Although somewhere I knew that being wrong is also important, and many times I go into the guilt that why can't I be okay with being wrong? I shouldn't be this way, I have to change.
What I didn't know then was that I am wired to feel bad when someone tries to make me wrong. When I started reading, it gave me a sense of relief that it's natural to not feel good when I am wrong.
Neuroscientists find that when our core beliefs are challenged, it can trigger the amygdala, the primitive “lizard brain” that breezes right past cool rationality and activates a hot fight-or-flight response. The anger and fear are instinctive: it feels as if we’ve been punched in the mind.
Anger and Fear run the show!
What exactly happens when someone is trying to make me wrong?
Whenever someone tries to challenge my opinion, the totalitarian ego (illusion of the ability to achieve desired outcomes) comes to the rescue with the mental armor. I become a preacher or prosecutor striving to convert or condemn (disapprove) the unenlightened. The inner dictator manages to prevail by activating an overconfidence cycle.
I get hyper, I get persuasive and I try everything I can to prove that I am right.
And why do I do that? The writer uses a very good word for it: "overconfidence"
And why am I overconfident?
Because my wrong opinions are shielded in filter bubbles, where I feel pride when I see only information that supports my convictions. Then my beliefs are sealed in echo chambers, where I hear only from people who intensify and validate them.
Aka confirmation bias: I tend to search for, interpret, favour, and recall information in a way that confirms or supports my prior beliefs.
I have realized that having opinions is not bad but if they are stopping me from growing (which they do, most of the time) then it's not workable for me.
I have to be aware of the limitations of my beliefs and opinions.
When I read the title of the chapter, I was not sure if it is even possible to have the joy of being wrong. Because I may have heard some famous people talking about this, but I haven't met a single person who enjoys being wrong.
But according to the writer, some people do enjoy being wrong. They enjoy being wrong because that means they learned something new. They got to know things that they never thought about. They got to update themselves.
When Adam Grant was searching for people who are comfortable being wrong, he found a Nobel-prize winning scientist and two world's top election forecasters. And he saw that they aren't just comfortable being wrong, they are thrilled by it!
When I thought of someone who would want to be wrong, I could recall two living legends in the investment field: Charlie Munger and Warren Buffet.
They are constantly looking for a reason to make their most favourite beliefs wrong.
Munger says, “Any year that you don’t destroy one of your best-loved ideas is probably a wasted year.” He calls this process, "Killing your Darlings." He insists that people follow this practice rigorously to succeed in investing. And I feel it is for life too.
And this says something about extraordinary people. Maybe being wrong plays a critical part to be successful...
The goal is not to be wrong more often. It’s to recognize that we’re all wrong more often than we’d like to admit, and the more we deny it, the deeper the hole we dig for ourselves.
In the book, the writer shares one incident of his life:
Not long ago I gave a speech at a conference about my research on givers, takers, and matchers. I was studying whether generous, selfish, or fair people were more productive in jobs like sales and engineering. One of the attendees was Daniel Kahneman (Writer of Thinking Fast and Slow), the Nobel Prize-winning psychologist who has spent much of his career demonstrating how flawed our intuitions are.
He told me afterwards that he was surprised by my finding that givers had higher rates of failure than takers and matchers—but higher rates of success, too. When you read a study that surprises you, how do you react? Many people would get defensive, searching for flaws in the study’s design or the statistical analysis. Danny did the opposite. His eyes lit up, and a huge grin appeared on his face. “That was wonderful,” he said. “I was wrong.”
Later while having lunch, Adam asked more about his reaction to being wrong, Danny told him he genuinely enjoys discovering that he was wrong, because it means he is now less wrong than before.
Adam writes in the book that, Danny told me, “Being wrong is the only way I feel sure I’ve learned anything."
And that is what makes them apart from me.
The difference is clear, they enjoy being wrong and I don't. They have realized the importance of being wrong and how much it is important to be wrong regularly.
“People who are right a lot, listen a lot, and they change their mind a lot,” Jeff Bezos says. “If you don’t change your mind frequently, you’re going to be wrong a lot.”
“There’s no benefit to me for being wrong for longer. It’s much better if I change my beliefs sooner, and it’s a good feeling to have that sense of discovery, that surprise — I would think people would enjoy that . ” -Kjirste Morrell (One of the world's top forecasters)
The question is that, if I know that being wrong is actually a good thing for me then why even after knowing everything I still feel bad when I am wrong?
Writer answers this question (below) which changed the whole perspective towards this:
The reason behind me feeling bad is my Attachment.
I am so attached to my opinions that I feel I am my opinions.
My beliefs/opinions/ideologies/ideas = Me
So if and when someone tries to question my opinion/belief, it feels like that person is trying to question my existence.
An assault on their worldviews was a threat to their very sense of self.
It's in my language, it's in my thinking, it is everywhere!
I say that I am wrong instead of my belief is wrong.
Or he/she is wrong, instead of he/she has a wrong ideology.
It all makes sense.
When Adam asked Danny about how he stays in that mode, he said he refuses to let his beliefs become part of his identity. “I change my mind at a speed that drives my collaborators crazy, ”he explained. “My attachment to my ideas is provisional. There’s no unconditional love for them.”
Okay so to unlock the joy of being wrong, I need to detach.
Most of us are accustomed to defining ourselves in terms of our beliefs, ideas, and ideologies. This can become a problem when it prevents us from changing our minds as the world changes and knowledge evolves.
Our opinions can become so sacred that we grow hostile to the mere thought of being wrong, and the totalitarian ego leaps into silence counterarguments, squash contrary evidence, and close the door on learning.
This is what I assume happened to me:
It was easy to learn new things as a child because I didn't have any beliefs, ideas or ideologies of my own. It was always the feeling of wonder. Learning was fun and enjoying the process.
But when I started growing up, I started forming beliefs and ideologies. And they helped me be a part of a community, they gave me success and they gave me an identity in society (at least that's what I thought). Now, if someone comes and questions one of my favourite beliefs, I used to (and still do) react. Because I feel
that someone is trying to question my existence.
But what I didn't realize is that these beliefs and ideologies are not me. I have been attached to these darlings because I thought they have been with me for years and helped me reach where I am.
But now I understand that if I don't detach from them, I won't be able to learn new things. I won't able to feel the joy and wonder of being wrong. I won't be able to grow myself more.
Now, if I am not my belief and ideologies then who am I?
If I keep changing my beliefs and ideologies then what is something that defines me, what will be constant? The question is that, if not beliefs then what defines me?
And the writer gives the perfect solution.
He says, "Who you are should be a question of what you value, not what you believe."
Values are the core principles in life — they might be authenticity, excellence, generosity, freedom, fairness, security or integrity. Basing your identity on these kinds of principles enables you to remain open-minded about the best ways to advance them.
You want the doctor whose identity is protecting health, the teacher whose identity is helping students learn, and the police chief whose identity is promoting safety and justice.
When you define yourself by values rather than opinions, you buy yourself the flexibility to update your practices in light of new evidence.
For example, if a doctor has a value of protecting health, he can easily suggest someone else, if he feels that he is not able to cure the disease. He will not think that I am losing my patient or what will people say about me...
I think values are what makes me humble.
It makes me adapt to changes.
It keeps my ego low.
And there are so many examples of companies that were doing great but just because they were stuck to a belief instead of a value, they are just gone.
For example, Blackberry Mobile. It was a great product. The founder was a genius! There was a time when BlackBerry had 50% of the US market and 20% of the global market. BlackBerry figured out a way to make its phone indispensable to the wealthy and powerful. And having it really meant something about who you were as a person; it was a status symbol. But they were stuck in many beliefs. For example one of the beliefs was that no one would want a touchscreen keyboard in the phone. They believed that no one would want to use a phone for more than just some basic office work and calling, so there is no point in an Appstore or third-party apps using the phone for different purposes.
Now in this situation, if they were operating from a value instead of a belief, they would have questioned their thoughts instead of sticking to the belief.
Apple came with the touchscreen keyboard and the concept of apps. They came up with a vision of creating a computer that fits in your hand. And slowly BlackBerry became outdated. Although they did come up with the touchscreen keyboard, but by then Apple became the leader.
When I see Apple, I don't know much about the business or the management, but recently I was watching their new products launch at the end of 2021 and they said in the launch that we realized that removing certain ports from the Macbook was a bad idea, old Macbook ports were better, so they reverse their decision after more than 2-3 years and accepted the mistake because from where I see their focus would be on values instead of belief. And that led them to admit a mistake.
It's simple, the more I am operating from values instead of beliefs, the more I will be able to accept change.
If I share my example:
For years, I used to believe I know better than people around me of my age. Because of that, I used to (and still at times) judge people on their actions, their thinking and comment on the same. When someone first time pointed out the fact that I am a judgmental person and I don't let people be the way they want to be, it was a shock. I didn't accept at first, I reacted, tried to defend myself, fight or flight mode was on!
It took me a lot of time to accept the fact that, that person was telling the truth. Now, because of my strong identity of me being better than people, I couldn't see a weakness in me. My identity was stopping me from seeing something unworkable in me.
Same way, one day someone pointed out that I am privileged and whatever I have achieved till now has a lot to do with those privileges. I couldn't accept that fact, because if I do then it shook the core of me, the belief that I am doing things on my own. Here also, it took me a lot of time to accept the fact.
Because of these identities, the blind spots were never visible to me before. Thanks to those people, who were honest enough to tell me the truth.
So while writing this blog, I realize that to change these things, I have to change the way I relate to myself. So instead of being driven by my beliefs, I should make my values. I should work on making my identity dependent on those values instead of beliefs.
So I think for me, my core values or identity would be to work towards being a happy, authentic, vulnerable, accepting, loving, giving, compassionate and self-improving person. Still not sure whether this covers everything or not, but it's a start.
(P.S. If you see my actions contradicting any of the following values, do let me know, it will help me grow :) )
I’ve noticed a paradox in great scientists and superforecasters: the reason they’re so comfortable being wrong is that they’re terrified of being wrong. - Adam Grant
Because finding truth is one of their values, not being right.
When I define myself by values rather than opinions, I buy myself the flexibility to update my practices in light of new evidence.
When I am detached from my opinions, I can laugh at myself, I can make fun of myself because my being wrong doesn't threaten my identity.
If we’re insecure, we make fun of others. If we’re comfortable being wrong, we’re not afraid to poke fun at ourselves. Laughing at ourselves reminds us that although we might take our decisions seriously, we don’t have to take ourselves too seriously.
Research suggests that the more frequently we make fun of ourselves, the happier we tend to be. Instead of beating ourselves up about our mistakes, we can turn some of our past misconceptions into sources of present amusement.
Psychologists find that admitting we were wrong doesn’t make us look less competent. It’s a display of honesty and a willingness to learn.
And I think that is why Warren Buffet and Charlie Munger are some of the most respected people in the investment industry. Because they admit to mistakes the moment they realize it. I once read one of their Letters to their Shareholders of Berkshire Hathway, which was published on March 7, 1995. They have a full section named "Mistake Du Jour" (Mistake of the Day). They basically treat this section as an Award Ceremony of Mistakes and just list down all the mistakes they did in that year with full detail as the nominees of the award. I have not seen anyone admitting to their mistakes in such honesty and authenticity.
“Accept the fact that you’re going to be wrong,” Jean - Pierre (one of the world's top forecasters) advises.
“Try to disprove yourself. When you’re wrong, it’s not something to be depressed about.
Say, ‘Hey, I discovered something !’”
Every time we encounter new information, we have a choice. We can attach our opinions to our identities and stand our ground in the stubbornness of preaching and prosecuting. Or we can operate more like scientists, defining ourselves as people committed to the pursuit of truth — even if it means proving our own views wrong.
In the end, I would like to share this line that I loved and I feel will be helpful to me in admitting mistakes more easily:
"The decision is on currently available information and can also change."
Summary:
Being wrong is an essential part of growth.
Being wrong is a sign of joy, it's something to be thrilled about.
Beliefs and Opinions stop me from growing and makes me blindsided to a lot of areas where I have not considered change.
I am blindsided by my beliefs because I think my beliefs and opinions are what makes me, me.
The solution is to change my identity dependent on beliefs and opinions into values. When I define myself by values rather than opinions, I buy myself the flexibility to update my practices in light of new evidence.
When I am detached from my opinions, I can laugh at myself, I can make fun of myself because my being wrong doesn't threaten my identity
Admitting I was wrong doesn’t make me look less competent. It’s a display of honesty and a willingness to learn.
“Accept the fact that you’re going to be wrong,” Jean - Pierre (one of the world's top forecasters) advises. “Try to disprove yourself. When you’re wrong, it’s not something to be depressed about. Say, ‘Hey, I discovered something !’”
All the credit goes to Adam Grant and the book Think Again and Google (for some definitions and translations)
I would highly recommend this book to everyone.
Note: All the Amazon links are affiliated links, which means that if you buy it from the link, you won't get charged extra but I might get a commission (not sure, just experimenting with it).
Thank you for reading.
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