I love making people wrong

A few weeks ago, I was talking with some people late at night about random things.

And a topic came and a few of them started complaining about their work environment and colleague's behaviour. How they don't understand them and how they don't care about their employees, etc.

It's so good to hear people rant, it's fun to watch.

And almost always, I have observed that the ones who are complaining have the answer of what the person (which they are complaining about) should have done or should do.

I was completely hooked on the conversation.

I was even suggesting solutions.

After their ranting, I started mine (that's another thing, it's contagious).

It feels good when I can just give all the blame to a person or a situation and tell people why I am right and that situation or a person was/is wrong.

Why does it feel good?

What I learned in the last few years (and still learning more and more) is that it feels good because I get to be right and make someone or something wrong.

I can justify my situation and I can sleep peacefully.

Many of us are aware of the fact that making someone/something wrong is not going to help my situation but still do it, just like me.

Because it feels good.

Learned and passed on from generations to generations, it will take time to redo this habit.

It is like stop eating sugar, we are so addicted now that it takes a huge amount of efforts and awareness each moment to get out of it.

Recently, I have realized that I have started complaining a lot.

Maybe not outside to many people but at least inside in my head.

I make people wrong all the time.

What he/she did was not okay, he/she shouldn't have said that, I don't think they should have done this/that, etc.

The problem is not that I have a different opinion than what they did or do.

The problem starts when my opinion becomes the only truth for me.

Instead of saying that I am right and that person is wrong as per my thoughts and views. With an awareness that my opinion might not be true.

We say (or at least I say), I am right.

These opinions and assumption are so powerfully backed by my past experiences that it looks like it is the truth.

One more problem arises when we share this with someone close to us, most of the time they agree to it (because they are hearing a one-sided bias story without all the facts) and when they agree, I get more reassurance that yes I am right.

I have realized recently, as much it may feel good at that moment, but in the end, it's an addiction. As with most of the addiction, it might feel good but it doesn't help me get out of the situation or make me happy.

It's merely a distraction from the dealing of the situation.

I am not saying that we are wrong, or what we are complaining/blaming about is wrong.

I completely get what someone goes through when he/she is complaining, I can see the struggle, it's clear that they are not happy in that situation.

They don't want to be in that situation.

I have also experienced that sometimes sharing the problem or ranting helps, it is necessary at times and we definitely should do that if necessary.

But I have to also keep reminding myself that ranting or making someone wrong is a short-term solution. I am not going to get a permanent solution.

I have found some tricks to help me get out of it (which might help someone):

1. To those whom I share/rant/complain regularly about people and situation, I have strictly told them to just listen. Don't agree, don't give a solution, just listen. I have observed in myself that after blurting out everything, I automatically get calm and find a solution and be more reasonable towards the person/situation I am complaining about.
   

2. No matter how much urge I have to say it on the face of someone that you are wrong and because of you this happened, most of the time I control myself. I have realized that all the anger and blame gets diluted after few days, then I can think more clearly about the solutions.
   

3. If I keep making someone wrong for consecutive days, then the one I am close to should stop and show me the truth that it is just my opinion. I have realized that the problem increases on an exponential scale if the person whom I sharing with, start agreeing to me.

I try to do the same above when someone is ranting to me, although it is very difficult, especially when the person they are ranting about, is already wrong in my mind.

But I am fortunate enough to have people around me who don't give more fuel to my complaints and just listen. After I am done, they tell me the truth, where and what I could have done and could do to change the situation.

But still, after knowing all of this, I love making people wrong, and still, I take time to realize it again.

Work in progress..